Below are extracts from letters written to a Dutch friend with whom Janina lived first in Palestine and later in Germany. The letters describe her impressions of the Mother and about her life experience in the Ashram.

8.1.58

Yesterday I grasped what She wanted from me. For two days already I felt from time to time as if a mountain or huge waves were coming on me and pushing me back. She wants me to step back this time, as completely as I can - and to make room for Her. And I feel how foolish it is to push oneself into a place which God wants to occupy. But I grasped it with my heart rather. It was yesterday evening during the French talk for children. Among other things She was explaining how Sri Aurobindo used to free people from an obsessing thought or illness. And She was moving Her hands and fingers showing how He just took the thought out and removed it gently - the fact of His and Her Almighty Love became so overwhelming to me that I at last experienced that I cannot exist in God's Presence - I have to annul myself, just to become nothing. And now the time will come to practise it and persevere and persevere in this way. But my happiness is so great, so great....

I asked Nahar to send you the calendar. It is wonderful: Mother during the Morning Darshan. I stand always just below, a bit to the right in the second row with my head bent backward and with folded hands. God is descending there every day and She always appears silently as if a wild bird coming to its nest where children with wide opened beaks wait for food. I always feel it like this and She is feeding us through Her eyes. And it is all so real! Her vibration is felt usually after a few moments, after She has looked at me. I feel it in me and it works in me....

(Ref: A Captive of Her Love, P: 20-21)

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